A Life with Little Love
by svvanmillsarchive
Summary: A certain she-cat of WindClan talks about her life and wishes it to be better. R&R? ;


**I have found a new favorite song. Time Is Running Out by Muse. 3 Bury it, I won't let you bury it…**

**Anyway, I haven't written anything Warriors for a while… other than that Lionblaze and Cinderheart oneshot! And those wills… XD Luckily, though, my writing skills have progressed thoroughly.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Zip. D:**

I've never been truly loved. My littermates were always better than me, so who would love someone like me? I was average. I wasn't especially good at hunting or fighting. I was smart, but there were others cleverer than me. I could run fast, but there was always other quicker than me.

Mudclaw was my mentor, and a strict one at that. Nightpaw this, Nightpaw that. He'd mention his previous apprentices, and how much better they were than me. I was never good enough in his eyes. If I didn't catch a rabbit, he'd scold me for not catching it. If I did, he'd want me to run faster, or catch another one. I quickly caught on that no one would love me like I wanted them to.

One night, as I lay in my nest, I started to think. Was I selfish was wanting a little bit of love? Did I even deserve it? I couldn't think of any qualities that made me stand out in a crowd. Even my pelt was original. A plain, dark black, no spots or marks to define who I was.

So I closed myself up. If no one loved me, who said I would have to have returning feelings? I never hated anyone, but there was no reason to make friends for me. No one liked me for who I was. I didn't want to change for anyone. I changed for myself, and hiding my feelings under a mask felt like the best thing to do then.

When I became a warrior, I was named Nightcloud. When my Clanmates cheered my name… I couldn't help it. A little bit of pride fluttered in my chest. They were saying _my_ name! I felt incredibly special. I felt like me for once.

The first time I met Crowfeather was a patrol. He was a Clanmate and I knew him, but I never knew him well. Rumors were spread about him, too. How he fell in love with a RiverClan cat and named himself after her. I never really believed them. Crowfeather was arrogant, he had a short temper, he didn't care what he did, he'd get in trouble, he was outspoken, and he treated everyone like they were ShadowClan.

So why did I fall in love with him? I was the cat who had no feelings; where did this newly found emotion come from? I hated the love. Every time he came around, I'd stutter my words and twitch my tail nervously. It was stupid! Why did I like it so much? I'd go to sleep with him on my mind. I felt like banging my head against a rock to get his face out of my thoughts. The logical side of me said it was dumb, but I couldn't help it.

Love was stupid, I decided. But it was a good kind of stupid.

My love life halted when Firestar witnessed Tallstar's death. Firestar might have saved WindClan and all, but he had an ego that could crush a tree. I could see past his wise words and sayings. He was swelling with pride on the inside. And when he and his apprentice were the only ones to see our leader's passing, why should we believe him when he said Onewhisker was supposed to be the new leader? My mentor, as rude as he was to me, had been deputy! He deserved the leadership! But our foolishness paid the price when the lightning struck the tree. I was still wary about the newly appointed Onestar, though; would he throw me out for fighting against him? But he let me stay. Maybe he wasn't such a bad leader like I had previously thought.

A couple of weeks after the catastrophe, I got up the nerve to ask Crowfeather to share a rabbit with me. It was measly and tough, but he said yes! It was nerve racking, though. Once we tried to get a bite and we bumped muzzles. I shyly looked away. How could on tom turn me into a pile of mud, just in an instant? I was supposed to be a strong warrior! After the rabbit, we started to hang out more. Rumors were spread about us being mates, but I didn't care.

One night I finally told him how I felt, and he told me he was the same way. A weird, new emotion rushed through my pelt. It was want. I was actually _wanted_.

When I learned I was expecting his kits, I almost jumped with joy (but I didn't, because Barkface said too much moving might disturb the kits inside me), but I must admit I was surprised when Crowfeather had no reaction. Then he would fake a smile and whisper, "Great!"

I blamed it on him being nervous of becoming a father.

Even though I only had one kit, I loved him more than anything. I named him Breezekit, for maybe his name will give him the soul of a WindClan cat. I was disappointed, though. It seemed as if Crowfeather was never there. As much as I loved my son, I couldn't give him the love of a father, and it was what he needed.

I was forced to slowly see him become someone I didn't want him to be. He was snobby around other cats, arrogant, disobedient, and stubborn. Crowfeather was never there to stop him. Why would he listen to his mother? I was there his entire life. He only wanted the love of his father, and he tried anything to get it.

His heart wasn't the only one that wilted when I learned he had half-siblings in ThunderClan. With the _medicine cat_, too! I was furious. But I was also… upset. He obviously loved Leafpool, not me. I felt as if my heart had been used and thrown into the dirt pile. What was I supposed to do?

I decided to close up again, like I had done as a young apprentice. I had opened my heart up to one, arrogant black-pelted tom, and look where it got me! Broken-hearted with one son completely bloodthirsty for revenge. It sickened me.

I tried to love Breezepelt as a mother and a father, I really did. But he wasn't stupid enough to think I was both of his parents. He wanted love from Crowfeather. He wanted to be praised by him. Breezepelt changed, too. He's not… himself anymore. Something's happening to him, yet I can't figure it out. He won't tell me, he won't tell anbody. But the way he speaks with some at the Gatherings, it like theyer his friends. Hollowflight from RiverClan, Tigerheart from ShadowClan. No one else would notice it if they didn't know Breezepelt, but I'm his mother. I can see it in his eyes. I just hope he doesn't hurt himself. He's the only thing I have left.

Because if he did, I don't know what I would do. Crowfeather's already stolen the majority of my heart; I pray to StarClan every night that Breezepelt won't leave me and do the same.

**I'm kind of glad I paused on my Fullmetal Alchemist planning for a bit (gasp! How could she say such a thing?). I mean, I go on the Warrior Cat Forums regularly. XD I should write a little bit about it, no? I just hope my **_**dearest**_** friend reads this and stops hating Nightcloud! 8D 'Cause Nightcloud kicks ass.**

**I feel as if Nightcloud deserved to have a say in something. She's such a huge piece in it all, and I don't think she's all that evil. I don't really like Breezepelt that much, so I don't know if I did well on him. Do you think it's weird how I like Nightcloud and hate Breezepelt? I think Crowfeather's a total douchebag, though. If Feathertail and Leafpool have to de twice to make him happy, so be it, I don't like them anyway. XD Crowfeather should be forever alone.**

**Anyway, R&R!**


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